Don’t trust her best friend...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been concerned about my girlfriend talking on her phone for a few months. It's always a male friend of hers that she has known since college, and I feel as if there is something almost flirtatious in the way they chat. She knows this bothers me but doesn't stop because they have been friends for a long time. She says they were never together and don't have any romantic feelings for each other, but I just get a different sense of what their friendship is like, and this makes me question it. I have tried to be okay with it because whenever I say something she accuses me of behaving like an insecure person who doesn't trust her. I do trust her, but I don't know if her friend is lying when she tells me he doesn't have any feelings for her. How do I cope with this?
Saying you trust your girlfriend is not the same as actually placing your trust in her. If she says this is a friend, and you can't imagine the friend not having feelings for her, the problem is yours, not hers. Whether the friend has feelings for her is irrelevant if she is in a relationship with you, because she has presumably made that clear. It may be hard for you to cope with her friendship, but it is important to recognise that your insecurity stems from you alone. She is entitled to be friends with someone who happens to be male because you have that privilege too. Ask yourself if what you think of as flirtatious behaviour crosses any line. If it does, you certainly have the right to call it out. If it doesn't, and your girlfriend is having a conversation with someone she is comfortable with, focus on the fact that strong relationships are built on love as well as mutual respect. Also try and accept her friend into your life because he is important to her. It may help you change your perspective of their friendship.

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