He doesn’t spend time with me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Do I ask my boyfriend if he wants more time to himself or if he wants to end this relationship? I ask because I get the feeling there is a lot of resentment when I insist on him spending more time with me than usual. He likes to compartmentalise his life and meet me two times a week because he says it is important to focus on other aspects of his life, too. I get it and am okay with it, but I also question if this sort of rigidity is healthy for us. If he can't bend the rules a little, does it mean I am just something he ticks off his list? Shouldn't I be more important?
If you don't feel as if you are being given the importance you deserve, it is a red flag irrespective of how your partner tries to explain it to you. Rules are great for living, but they can and should be bent when it comes to people because feelings matter. You are not a project and wanting to spend time with someone you love isn't unnatural. If your boyfriend makes it seem as if he is doing you a favour, and doesn't change despite your bringing it up, you have to decide if you want to be with someone who doesn't prioritise you the way you give him importance. The respect isn't mutual.

I am dating a guy almost five years younger than me and I know his friends laugh behind our backs about this. He will be affected by it at some point, and I worry that he will end our relationship. What can I do to protect him?
Protecting him isn't your responsibility, because he needs to have a mind of his own. He has wilfully chosen to be with you and, if his friends make him question that, he is spending time with the wrong people. Focus on building your relationship and everything else will cease to matter. Trust is a powerful thing.

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