People say he is not a nice guy...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I liked a guy who went to college with me. I wanted to confess my feelings for him, so I began making conversation with him to get to know him better. I tried building a strong bond, spoke to him as often as possible, and came to believe that he was a sweet person. However, when I speak about him to other people, I am told that he is a completely different person. Apparently, he is a drug addict and chain smoker, has a habit of dating two women at the same time, and is described as a mean and selfish man. I can't believe this is the same person I have been speaking to. I am confused about whom to trust. Should I believe what I think based on my conversations with him, or trust what people say about him?
- Areeba H
Time and actions are your best guides, because they reveal a lot about a person's character. This man may be putting on an act for you, but the only way for you to see through it is to try and spend time with him without committing to anything. It's okay to have feelings for someone, but it's also important to figure out if someone is worthy of these feelings. People are always entitled to their opinions, and it is important to acknowledge them too, but you are ultimately the only one qualified to gauge someone's character based on how they behave with you and around you. If someone is a drug addict, for example, hiding that habit becomes difficult over a sustained period. If there are other women around, it is only a matter of time before you find this out. Keep in mind that you are not obligated to do anything you don't want to. This is your life, and you should take as much time as you need to get to know someone before telling them how you feel. Also remember that people often tend to drop their masks when they get comfortable.

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