I feel I’m jealous of his son!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship for six months and it feels as if my boyfriend's son is always his first priority. I know why this is the case, but it still bothers me. He was married for two years, and we got together around a year or so after his divorce. Since then, he spends half a week with his son and, during that time, we barely communicate. I know his son is important to him and I try my best to be an accommodating partner, but it sometimes feels as if he takes me for granted for half the time and only thinks of me after his son has gone back to his ex-wife. I hate myself for being jealous of a child, but I can't help myself. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I insist on him spending more time with me, or at least communicating with me more?
You're not jealous of his son as much as you are struggling with feelings of neglect or abandonment. Yes, it's important for him to spend time with his son, and you're right to be supportive. No, it's not okay for him to cut you off entirely and make you feel as if he is taking you for granted. This may take a while to resolve, because he is possibly trying to find a way around this change in his life but telling him how you feel is important because it's not as if his priorities cannot be re-aligned to include you more. Even a phone call once every evening helps, because it is important for him to let you know that you matter. If he cannot do that, you may find it hard to constantly ignore how you feel. Be patient, but firm about what you need. It may take him a while, but he needs to understand why this matters because relationships are sometimes like balancing acts. He may care about you as much as his son, but actions make all the difference.

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