40 per cent of married Indians have a ‘digital affair’: Survey

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As time passes, relationships are constantly evolving. With that every person is also changing the way they perceive relationships.

In a world where love is merely a swipe away now on the various dating apps, emotional fidelity is being pushed to the limits. While physical cheating may still be headline news, emotional fidelity is thriving in cyberspace.

The most recent research from dating app Gleeden shows a 40 per cent of married Indians admitted they have a "digital affair". These "affairs" are not physical relationships but, rather, romantic interactions that are sexually suggestive and emotionally intimate with someone other than the person's spouse - completely online.

Even more fascinating, almost 65 per cent of the respondents say they saw their virtual experiences as "harmless fun", and 37 per cent who acknowledged that emotional infidelity is worse than physical infidelity, confessed that they still carry on their texting. These contradictions are contributing to a silent transformation of how contemporary Indian marriages are dealing with desire, boredom, and emotional discontent.

Looking to the future, stay married? The paradox of digital disloyalty
The app's data has shown that a whopping 72 per cent of digital cheaters do not intend to leave their marriages. They are using these online connections as an escape hatch - an emotional spa day from the boredom or arguments of home life.

Interestingly, men between 30 years to 45 years were the busiest on the app, followed closely by women between the age groups of 25-40, suggesting a gender-neutral approach for digital validation and stimulation. One of the most astounding stats is that 56 per cent of women said they feel more "heard" and "valued" in their online affairs than in their reality. That is not flirting, that is emotional CPR.

Flirting in airplane mode - It is all in the typing bubbles
Unlike a traditional affair, digital flings do not require a hotel or a clandestine meeting. All that is needed is a username and Wi-Fi. In fact, the app survey shows a 30 per cent increase in user activity post-pandemic, when lockdowns forced people to live close together - and often emotionally disconnected - with their spouse. What starts with a harmless emoji or late-night message quickly escalates to full-blown emotional affair. 49 per cent of users admitted to having someone to text every day, flirt with, or share secrets with - without ever seeing them in person. And herein lies the rub: digital affairs feel safer, guilt-free, and "not really cheating" - until that moment when it does.

Love in the age of notifications - why we are hardwired for distraction
Psychologists agree that dopamine, the "feel-good" chemical for the brain, is key in online infidelity. Each time people receive a flirtatious message, a heart emoji, or a suggestive photo, they trigger a neurological reaction very similar to physical intimacy. The app's behavioural insights team also found that users mostly access the app between 10 pm and 1 am - when most partners are sleeping and digital lovers are awake. These newly minted cheaters aren't simply bored in these late-night hours. Of those surveyed, 41 per cent reported that they felt emotionally neglected, 33 per cent reported lacking excitement, and 22 per cent reported that they missed feeling attractive or wanted.

No password, no trust - should couples be scared?
The new notion of digital affairs is giving rise to urgent questions in marriages in India: where does fidelity start and end? Is lack of emotions a problem or not that physical? Should couples share passwords, or does that kill the romance?

While the app has done some research on perceptions of digital affairs, the survey also reported that 68 per cent of users said they would feel betrayed if their partner had a similar online affair even though they themselves are simultaneously having one. The asymmetry isn't surprising, but it's human. Marriage therapists are seeing more and more cases where the crisis does not stem from sex, but rather from instant chats, typing bubbles at midnight and hidden tabs on your browser.