Tell him this is harming your marriage and, if that doesn’t work, make a decision based on your ability to spend the rest of your life with someone you can no longer believe
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been married for four years and have come to the conclusion that I can’t trust my husband because he lies a lot. He isn’t cheating on me but what he says about a lot of things, like our financial condition for example, is often at odds with reality. I have confronted him about this, and he just shrugs it off as if I am making a big deal about something. What he doesn’t understand is I am moving to a point where I will end this marriage because I can’t live with someone I don’t believe is honest. All I want is truth and he refuses to give it to me. Am I wrong for thinking this way?
You’re not wrong because his refusal to be honest implies that you are not worthy or capable of dealing with something. Irrespective of his reason or rationale, it is a red flag because it points to an unequal relationship where one partner is belittling the other. If you have pointed this out and it hasn’t changed anything, it is a more blatant sign of disrespect which justifies your anger as well as your concern for the future. Tell him this is harming your marriage and, if that doesn’t work, make a decision based on your ability to spend the rest of your life with someone you can no longer believe.
My girlfriend is away on a short holiday, and I ended up flirting with someone else. Do I tell my girlfriend about this or just drop it? Nothing happened between me and this other girl, so I don’t know if I am just creating unnecessary issues for myself by coming out with the truth.
Your question springs from guilt because you realise you did something wrong even while telling yourself that you didn’t. If you choose to tell her, do it out of the belief that strong relationships are built on mutual honesty. If there is pain, that is to be expected given that you betrayed someone’s trust.
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