Here’s what you need to know about self-compassion and why it is important

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People often outline ambitious goals to keep themselves motivated at the start of the new year but most often than not, they are not able to keep up with them through the year. While goal setting is essential for personal and professional growth, it is critical to remember that growth need not be linear. Setbacks may trigger feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy but they are a part of that journey.

Self-kindness and compassion is the pathway to understanding yourself better and enables you to navigate the challenges in life. Practicing forgiveness, and cultivating compassion can be a testing journey for some who have to learn to acknowledge efforts, recognise limitations, and limit self-criticism.

With four months into the year, mental health experts delve into the benefits of cultivating self-compassion, building resilience, and practical ways to be kinder to yourself, a reminder that is need often in our busy lives.

What is self-compassion?
Dr. Amit Malik, psychiatrist and founder and CEO of Amaha Health, says, "Self-compassion is about treating yourself with understanding and kindness, especially when you're grappling with negative thoughts - like after a setback or failure. Think of the compassion you'd show a close friend or loved one if they made a mistake - self-compassion is about giving that same understanding to yourself."

According to psychologist Kristen Neff, self-compassion has three key elements:
1. Self-kindness: Treating yourself with care and understanding rather than being self-critical.
2. Common humanity: Remembering that mistakes and struggles are part of being human - you're not alone in this.
3. Mindfulness: Being aware of your negative thoughts and feelings without over-identifying with or suppressing them.

It's important to understand that self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook. "In a world so focused on success, being kind to yourself during tough times might feel like you're not pushing hard enough. But self-compassion is about fostering well-being, not avoiding accountability - and recognising that is the first step," Dr Malik reminds.

How is self-compassion different from self-pity or self-indulgence?
Knowing the differences between self-pity, self-indulgence, and self-compassion can help cultivate a healthier sense of self. "Self-pity often feels isolating. It's believing that nobody understands what you are going through. This focus on setbacks can make you feel less capable and erode your self-worth. On the other hand, self-compassion acknowledges that struggles are a shared part of the human experience. It helps you feel more connected and resilient, empowering you to address challenges proactively rather than sinking into helplessness," he outlines.

He also believes that while self-indulgence might mean avoiding discomfort or prioritising short-term gratification over long-term well-being, self-compassion involves a balanced approach. "Self-compassion allows you to let go of harsh self-judgment without ignoring what truly serves your overall well-being. For example, during the holidays or a new year, self-compassion might look like not beating yourself up for breaking routine or indulging a little. But it also means being mindful of not overindulging in ways that could harm your long-term health or happiness," the expert concludes.

The detrimental impact of societal expectations
Dr. Sameer Malhotra, senior director and head, mental health and behavioural sciences, Max Super Speciality Hospital in Saket, observes, "Many people tend to struggle with self-compassion as they often feel guilty about focusing on their own well-being, worrying that it might make them appear selfish or self-indulgent."
He further says that this mindset of putting others first, and valuing self-sacrifice is primarily shaped by societal expectations. "Societal and achievement pressures make it hard for one to slow down and show some compassion to oneself, as a lot of us are conditioned to chase goals and measure success by reaching certain milestones in life. This focus on outcomes rather than appreciating the journey leaves little room for self-acceptance, especially during moments of struggle or failure," the Delhi-based doctor explains.

Building resilience
Compassion and forgiveness are the essence of any relationship, including the most significant one: with yourself. Building resilience through self-compassion becomes a key factor in overcoming challenges. "Faith - whether in yourself or something bigger - offers a sense of grounding, but it is important to remember that simple practices like focusing on happiness and gratitude can shift your mindset and help you appreciate life's little joys. Staying optimistic and holding onto hope gives you the strength to keep going, even when things feel overwhelming," asserts Dr Malhotra. He also suggests activities like yoga and meditation which can calm your mind and bring balance, alongside being in the company of nature. Taking time to enjoy nature and encouraging positive thoughts can also boost your mood, helping you face challenges with patience and confidence.

5 ways to practice self-compassion daily

Treat yourself like a friend
Imagine a friend came to you with the same problem you're facing. What would you say to them? Use that same kindness and support with yourself.

Use kind words
Replace harsh, judgmental thoughts with encouraging ones. For instance, if you fail at something, instead of saying, "I'm such a failure", try, "Mistakes happen - it's part of learning. What can I take away from this?"

Acknowledge your feelings
Pause and recognise what you're feeling without judgment. Remind yourself, "This is hard right now," and give yourself permission to feel your emotions fully.

Take a self-compassion break
When things feel overwhelming, step back. Say to yourself, "I'm struggling, and that's okay. How can I be kind to myself right now?" Whether it's resting, journaling, or taking a walk, prioritise what you need.

Practice mindfulness
Regular mindfulness meditation can help you stay present and avoid being swept away by negative thoughts. It promotes a balanced, compassionate response to challenges.

Long-term benefits of practicing self-compassion
Practicing self-compassion can have a positive and long-lasting impact on one's overall well-being.

Below, Malhotra delves into the holistic benefits:

Reduces self-criticism
Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, self-compassion helps you acknowledge the difficulty and move forward. When you treat yourself kindly, you create a safe space to learn from mistakes, rather than being paralysed by them.

Enhanced self-relationship
It helps you find inner peace and a genuine sense of satisfaction, making it easier to build a healthier, more positive relationship with yourself. A self-compassionate mindset leads to positive coping strategies - like seeking support or solving problems - instead of avoidance or denial.

Improved interpersonal relationships
When you're kinder to yourself, it naturally reflects in your interactions with others, leading to stronger, more meaningful connections.

Reduced stress and anxiety
Over time, it also helps lower stress and anxiety, leaving you feeling more balanced and in control of your thoughts and emotions. By staying mindful of your emotions, you can avoid being overwhelmed or consumed by them.

Improved overall well-being
Self-compassion makes it easier to embrace vulnerability, try new things, and face uncertainty with courage. As touched upon earlier, self-compassion helps boosts resilience, so you're better equipped to handle life's challenges. In the end, it adds up to a happier, more fulfilling quality of life.